What can I say about a dog who captured my heart the minute he peed on my lap at twelve weeks old?
That there was nothing in the world he could do to make me mad at him? That he'd decided right then and there that I belonged to him? That it would be the beginning of eighteen years of a closeness that I'd never experienced before?
My bright, intelligent, fun-loving loyal sidekick is gone for almost one month now, and my life has been forever changed because of his passing.
I've tried, honestly, I have tried my very hardest to accept that it was his time, but I'm heartbroken and wonder how long it will be before I can see the world the way it was only 28 days ago.
I haven't figured out life without him yet. I get up every day and put one foot in front of the other and go about my commitments. Occasionally, I laugh, but mostly, I cry. There hasn't been a day yet where I haven't, although, I've been told that day will come. I'm not sure how I feel about that. If I stop crying have I stopped grieving? Does it mean that I'm forgetting him? I can't let that happen. I'm not ready.
I know there are countless others who have experienced this kind of pain. My heart breaks for every single person who has lost a furbaby, and I hold you all in my heart.
I've thought back to the times over these eighteen years when Otis would lick tears from my face. I used to think that it was his way of comforting me. However, when I look at videos of him playing and hiking with my husband, and how much he loved getting in the car to go on a new adventure, it suddenly occurred to me that he wasn't trying to comfort me at all. He wanted me to stop. He wanted me to get rid of the tears and get back to playing, back to living in the present and having fun.
So, that's what I'll remember. When the tears fall, I'll remember an amazing pup who wouldn't want me to cry but rather get on about the job of living in the present and not taking one moment for granted.
And, who knows? Maybe in time, there will be another little furbaby to keep me on my toes. I might even let him pee on my lap.